


Night Changes

by hellorflying



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Cute Bailey Shepherd, Dead Derek Shepherd, Dealing with the loss of a loved one, Family, Ferry boat scrup caps, Grey-Shepherd kids, Grief, McDreamy, Mention of a major character death, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Other, Strong Meredith Grey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29862510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellorflying/pseuds/hellorflying
Summary: When Bailey asks his mother if they can ride a ferry boat on his birthday, Meredith is taken aback to say the least.
Relationships: Meredith Grey & Derek Bailey Shepherd, Meredith Grey & Derek Bailey Shepherd & Ellis Shepherd & Zola Shepherd, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd
Kudos: 9





	Night Changes

Sometimes we are caught off guard by the things people tell us, the things people ask of us, the things people do. Sometimes we are caught off guard. And those are probably the moments we are our truest selves. It's when we don't know what's coming that we can't prepare ourselves, we can't plan our reaction beforehand. We just... are. We just react.

...

"Mom?"

Meredith was currently trying to motivate Zola for her upcoming basketball game, telling her the only parental crap she had ever heard from her mother: They weren't quitters. Simultaneously, she was making breakfast in order to get herself and her kids ready for the day. In the midst of Zola giving her the typical preteen attitude and Ellis' random babbling, Bailey's sweet voice was barely even heard.

"Mom?"

"Bailey, honey, are you ready?" Meredith asked in return, as she was shuffling around trying to pack her kids' lunches into boxes and the boxes into their respective backpacks, whilst also listening to Zola complain.

The little boy nodded eagerly and jumped onto his feet, obviously keen to prove himself, as he slipped into his jacket and put on his shoes in what appeared to be record-breaking time for a boy his age. He stood proudly by the door, all ready to go, when he spoke up again.

"Mom?" He said, this time his voice was a little bit louder, "Mom, can we ride on a ferry boat on my birthday?"

Meredith's head shot up, causing Bailey's rucksack to slip out of her hands and hit the hard kitchen floor with a thud. And from one second to the next, the room had fallen silent. Zola had stopped complaining, Ellis had stopped babbling and Meredith seemed to have frozen in her spot. The question had caught her completely off guard.

"What?"

"I asked if we can ride on a ferry boat on my birthday." the boy repeated.

A few seconds passed and nothing happened. Meredith didn't even blink, she just stared blankly at the wall behind her son. But it all seemed blurry and far, far away. She heard the distant voice of Bailey, then Zola's too and it was enough for her to snap out of her trance. But instead of answering, Meredith kneeled down to pick up the bag from the ground. Her movements were hazy, clumsy and unfocused, which was extremely unusual for the surgeon.

"Hey, are you guys ready or what-" Maggie trailed off, when she entered the kitchen and immediately picked up on the tension, "Is everything okay?"

Meredith scrambled back onto her feet, "We are ready. Let's go, kids." she said simply, still feeling a little dizzy from the wave of memories and emotions hitting her all at once, but determined to not let it show.

...

It wasn't til later that day that Meredith realized what she needed, and wanted, to do. When she came back home from work, Ellis was already asleep and Zola was at a friend's house, celebrating their successful basketball game. Meredith was very proud of her oldest daughter and she had to admit that even though she liked to bash her mother for all kinds of crap, her mother's advice wasn't even that bad. They weren't quitters. She wasn't anyway and her kids weren't gonna be quitters either.

After putting the groceries into the fridge, Meredith went to check on Bailey, who was still awake. He was browsing through a book about sea animals and she couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Did you know we can watch whales from the ferry?" Bailey asked excitedly, when he spotted his mom standing in the door frame, and held up the book. He pointed at one of the huge pictures of a whale, as if wanting to give proof. Even if his mother had not yet agreed to his wish to ride a ferry boat, he was already working on a plan to try and convince her. And this was only step one.

"Oh, really?" she asked with a smile, trying her best to sound surprised, when she went to sit down on her son's bed right next to him. Meredith then took a deep breath, before speaking up again: "I want to give you something, Bailey."

The boy simply nodded and eagerly placed the book on his nightstand, before he looked up at his mother again. His eyes were big and filled with excitement, as he waited for her to give him whatever it was that she was hiding behind her back. Meredith then pulled out a blueish item of clothing and handed it to him, almost a bit hesistantly. The boy's eyes lit up at the sight and for a moment, she could have sworn that it was Derek, who was looking at her with those dreamy eyes.

"Ferryboats! Cool!" Bailey exclaimed, as his clumsy little hands tried to trace along the rims of the soft fabric, "What's this, mom? One of those things you always wear in the OR?"

"Yes, exactly that. It's called a scrub cap. And this one here," she said and nodded with her head at the cap in his hands, "This one belonged to your dad."

"Dad?"

Meredith softly bobbed her head up and down. "Your dad, he... well, I never knew what it was," she trailed off, trying to explain, and chuckled softly at the memories. "Anyway... he had this thing for ferry boats. And I... I just haven't thought about it in quite a while."

"Okay." the boy said simply, not quite sure what to make of that explanation just yet, before a smile formed on his face.

He barely remembered his dad, after all he had not even been two years old, when his father had died. He didn't know what he was missing really, but from everything he had been told over the years, he knew that his father had been a very great, very respected guy. And not just among his friends, but in the world. After all, he had been one of the leading neurosurgeons. In the world. And apparently he had had a thing for ferryboats. And sharing this interest with him, well, it felt a little bit like his dad was there, somewhere, in him.

Bailey then pulled the cap over his head and his mother helped him tie it together behind his head. Even then it was still way too big for his little head and he had to pull it back up a few times. However, that didn't seem to bother him all too much.

"I look cool, don't I? Like I could be a surgeon." the boy said proudly, pulling off the perfect McDreamy smile.

"You look..." Meredith trailed off, stopping herself from telling her son that he reminded her of his father. Even though he resembled her a lot more, he definitely got his father's eyes and smile. And looking into those eyes, she sometimes felt like Derek was right there. And sometimes that was a little bit too much to handle. She swallowed hard. "You look _very_ cool!" Meredith said finally, successfully blinking away the tears she felt were prickling in the corner of her eyes.

She blew out a breath then, as Derek's last words were ringing in her ears. "And if you want to ride a ferry boat on your birthday, than that's what we are doing, okay?" Derek sure would have loved this, so she did her best to sound a little bit more enthusiastic than she actually felt and luckily, Bailey seemed to buy it.

"Yay!" the boy exclaimed happily and tried to hug him mom with his still quite little arms.

A small smile played around her lips, as she embraced her little boy. Meredith then went to place a soft kiss on his forehead, before asking him if he had already brushed his teeth - which he had - and saying her goodbyes for the night.

"Can you tell me more about dad? Tomorrow maybe?" Bailey spoke up again, when his mother was already halfway out of the door.

And there it was again. That little twitch she felt inside of her. The one she always felt, when she thought of Derek, but especially when their kids were involved. This wasn't how any of it was supposed to have happened. She shouldn't have to tell her kids about their father. He should be here, he should be alive and he should be able to see them grow up. And they would have deserved to have a father, especially a father like him. Meredith took a deep breath, before turning back around to face her son.

"Of course I can, sweetie. But now you should really try to get some rest, okay? Sleep tight."

"Good night, mom."

With a last look at her son, she closed the door behind her. Sighing deeply, she leaned against the closed door with her back, needing a few minutes to gather herself. Meredith let her head fall back and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on her breathing. Sometimes there were still moments where the crushing reality left her feeling like she couldn't breathe. She never knew what Derek found so fascinating about ferry boats, she had never asked either. But the fact that Bailey seemed to have picked up on that interest without ever knowing that his dad had shared it, healed and broke her at the same time. She smiled softly to herself. This was definitely something she was gonna have to tell Derek about the next time she would speak to him.

...

Sometimes we are caught off guard. Sometimes, the things people say, the things people ask of us and the things people do catch us by surprise. It's in those moments that we are the truest versions of ourselves. We can simply feel, because we do not have the time to overthink it. And it's in those moments that we just are, we just react, we just live.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I am currently watching season 14, so I have no idea if Zola actually likes basketball (but I wanted to do something else than the clichee, which would be dancing or cheerleading for a girl) and I also don't know if they ever refer to the whole ferry boat thing again. Anyway, I would like to make this a small series, where I have each Grey-Shepherd kid react/deal with the death of their father in their own way. I hope you'll like it :)


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